Felix - "The Lesson" Part One
“So what are you going to do then huh Felix?”…
Speaking in hurried tones to a young 24 year old man who pushed his way to the front of the throng of children at our feet… softly he was telling us that “you're exploiting the children”…taking photos of them as they're hungry rushing and running over one another to get a piece of candy” and maybe on one level he may well have been right. Not about the exploitation but the scene did look similar to words on the statue of liberty… “their tired masses yearning to breath free”… there was something in his words that were worth paying attention to…
Never freelancing, we were working with the permission of everyone from the chief of the village to the subjects we were shooting and finally, we were wrapping the set in the late light and should have taken off to our guarded compound. However I took exception to his comments...it made me pause as we had just completed a few hours worth of portrait photography when the children, about as patient as they could stand it, became restless and so scores of them scrambled up next to us in hopes of being first in line to get a little bit of the candy we had on set. They were the same children that showed up the day before but we only had a few pieces so they were told to come back again today for a bit more. In the dust kicked up from the children’s feet, the failing light growing darker, it was clear that we only had a short amount of time left before it went completely dark. Admittedly, I wanted to make him see that he was wrong and even as staff tried to rush him away...I reached out for them to ease up, to let him go. He made a simple “accusation”...made in a simple way and while it didn’t feel like it belonged to me technically...it did however hit a cord in my heart and I wanted to hear what he had to say.
It triggered something inside which made me stand and listen to what he had to say. His voice and words felt sincere and I wanted to prove to him that it wasn’t that simple "to take care of everyone" and so instead of seeking the safety of the land cruiser I pulled him close to me with my hand outstretched in a sign of friendship…hoping that he’d take it of course and yet at the same time I became increasingly aware, from the looks on the faces of those watching from the edges, that all of this intensity could quickly unravel into something dark. Our compound was on the other side of the village and I didn't want my team cut off from the relative safety it provided - we were "on the streets" and we had to be careful...
Speaking in hurried tones to a young 24 year old man who pushed his way to the front of the throng of children at our feet… softly he was telling us that “you're exploiting the children”…taking photos of them as they're hungry rushing and running over one another to get a piece of candy” and maybe on one level he may well have been right. Not about the exploitation but the scene did look similar to words on the statue of liberty… “their tired masses yearning to breath free”… there was something in his words that were worth paying attention to…
Never freelancing, we were working with the permission of everyone from the chief of the village to the subjects we were shooting and finally, we were wrapping the set in the late light and should have taken off to our guarded compound. However I took exception to his comments...it made me pause as we had just completed a few hours worth of portrait photography when the children, about as patient as they could stand it, became restless and so scores of them scrambled up next to us in hopes of being first in line to get a little bit of the candy we had on set. They were the same children that showed up the day before but we only had a few pieces so they were told to come back again today for a bit more. In the dust kicked up from the children’s feet, the failing light growing darker, it was clear that we only had a short amount of time left before it went completely dark. Admittedly, I wanted to make him see that he was wrong and even as staff tried to rush him away...I reached out for them to ease up, to let him go. He made a simple “accusation”...made in a simple way and while it didn’t feel like it belonged to me technically...it did however hit a cord in my heart and I wanted to hear what he had to say.
It triggered something inside which made me stand and listen to what he had to say. His voice and words felt sincere and I wanted to prove to him that it wasn’t that simple "to take care of everyone" and so instead of seeking the safety of the land cruiser I pulled him close to me with my hand outstretched in a sign of friendship…hoping that he’d take it of course and yet at the same time I became increasingly aware, from the looks on the faces of those watching from the edges, that all of this intensity could quickly unravel into something dark. Our compound was on the other side of the village and I didn't want my team cut off from the relative safety it provided - we were "on the streets" and we had to be careful...
Felix - "The Lesson" Part Two
As he complained to me our dialogue grew louder with each point, the children now confused, just wanted me to throw however many pieces I had of the brightly coloured "starburst memories" into the air…and in this moment, amongst the background of children looking up at me and staff equally looking bewildered at my actions and wondering what to do next - as if suffering from shell shock with the noise and the kinetic energy all blending into the same set of tones. I paused for a moment. Being hyper aware of darker elements standing in the shadows nearby, I knew this could easily get out off control. So aware, looking face to face with this young guy, I sensed that showing weakness and backing away wasn’t an option for me. In all of the hyperbole everything went silent in my head in a cinematic way, like it wasn’t me standing in the circle of blowing dust but someone in a crowd that I was watching from a distance, like at a baseball game…watching to see whats going to happen next.
Suddenly it came over me…to give him the candy. Yes! Give HIM the candy!! Let HIM figure it out…let HIM know what it feels like to not be able to help everyone and in that moment, on the edge of Lake Turkana, I found myself standing in a sea of outstretched hands – completely out of control, I was without a doubt...metaphorically in deep waters.
Yelling over the noise at the top of my voice I strained to give him his options, maybe futile but I became filled with a crystal clear message that I wanted him to understand, wanted him to know that I wasn’t part of “those” which come to town to buy souvenirs, complain and leave as quickly as they came, that I wasn’t here to take advantage of anyone. To the contrary. So I continued to push my point to Felix who was confused at best…obviously this wasn’t what he’d bargained for but “school was in”…for both of us really and we were both going to get something out of this - possibly a micro lesson in development maybe with this 3’ tall huddled mass of children at my feet...“yearning to breath free”…or at the very least to get some coloured starbust dreams from my pocket.
Suddenly it came over me…to give him the candy. Yes! Give HIM the candy!! Let HIM figure it out…let HIM know what it feels like to not be able to help everyone and in that moment, on the edge of Lake Turkana, I found myself standing in a sea of outstretched hands – completely out of control, I was without a doubt...metaphorically in deep waters.
Yelling over the noise at the top of my voice I strained to give him his options, maybe futile but I became filled with a crystal clear message that I wanted him to understand, wanted him to know that I wasn’t part of “those” which come to town to buy souvenirs, complain and leave as quickly as they came, that I wasn’t here to take advantage of anyone. To the contrary. So I continued to push my point to Felix who was confused at best…obviously this wasn’t what he’d bargained for but “school was in”…for both of us really and we were both going to get something out of this - possibly a micro lesson in development maybe with this 3’ tall huddled mass of children at my feet...“yearning to breath free”…or at the very least to get some coloured starbust dreams from my pocket.
Felix - "The Lesson" Part Three
I pushed my clenched hands out to his chest and pushed up against him yelling at the top of my voice, straining for him to hear me and without my translator, to understand me yet as I shouted and pleaded with him in the moment…at the distance my colleagues grew concerned for the growing throng that surrounded me but so far it felt okay.
“I mean you’ve got all of the treasure now Felix”...all of the candy – here take it all!!…all of the multi coloured starbust dreams and so you’re the king now….you decide now who gets to eat and who goes home with an empty stomach…!!
Holding my hand up my fingers counted out his options as the “New King” in town.
1. You eat all of the candy yourself keeping your own world fat and happy!
2. You share the 10 pieces you have with your closest friends and just push the rest away by turning your back on them
3. You line everyone up for a bit of fun and a game to let them put their life of hardship on pause…and you throw it into the sky for all to have a chance at the starbust memory and you throw it all towards the sea and watch them run and push and shove each other with squeals of laughter and tears trying to get their hands on a piece of the prize just like children everywhere
So what do you want to do Felix…its all your decision now man…whatch gonna do!??
Not quite what he expected me to do …even defiant, Felix was hopeful that he could maybe do something impossible. He wanted to give a piece of candy to every child standing and jockeying for position in the dust…pushing and shoving, Felix was soon overwhelmed and was being swayed back and forth with the movement of the children’s desire, the candy high up on his chest and I stood back a few feet and watched, myself hopeful that the object lesson I just created on the fly wouldn’t backfire and end up hitting me along side the head in some way that I’d regret…
“I mean you’ve got all of the treasure now Felix”...all of the candy – here take it all!!…all of the multi coloured starbust dreams and so you’re the king now….you decide now who gets to eat and who goes home with an empty stomach…!!
Holding my hand up my fingers counted out his options as the “New King” in town.
1. You eat all of the candy yourself keeping your own world fat and happy!
2. You share the 10 pieces you have with your closest friends and just push the rest away by turning your back on them
3. You line everyone up for a bit of fun and a game to let them put their life of hardship on pause…and you throw it into the sky for all to have a chance at the starbust memory and you throw it all towards the sea and watch them run and push and shove each other with squeals of laughter and tears trying to get their hands on a piece of the prize just like children everywhere
So what do you want to do Felix…its all your decision now man…whatch gonna do!??
Not quite what he expected me to do …even defiant, Felix was hopeful that he could maybe do something impossible. He wanted to give a piece of candy to every child standing and jockeying for position in the dust…pushing and shoving, Felix was soon overwhelmed and was being swayed back and forth with the movement of the children’s desire, the candy high up on his chest and I stood back a few feet and watched, myself hopeful that the object lesson I just created on the fly wouldn’t backfire and end up hitting me along side the head in some way that I’d regret…
Felix - "The Lesson" Part Four
Felix bobbed back and forth, almost held aloft by the throng of children that wanted whatever it was he had…arms outstretched to the sky, pawing at his every move…the look on his face said everything and it didn’t take long…for the test to be over. Felix struggled back towards me and said...”here!...you take it back”...”I don’t want to have to decide which is the right answer”…and with that I sighed in relief and reached out to him and took the multi coloured starburst memories back…took them all back and prepared again to line the children up for a fair run, for a bit of a game amongst the hardship they endure each and every day, at each and every meal time for the lack of basic food
There was nothing fair about any of this…I looked to the sky…letting them see my intentions and let them go, hurling the purple people eater…the orange mango…the yellow banana rama….the strawberry koolaid…the pink flamingos, all of them a dream for a child in itself and I took aim, and with a pause before the rush, a pause before the outcry…I let them fly…one after the other they left my fingers like a baseball heading for the catchers glove in another world series bout with me as pitcher…
And with that they all ran away screaming and running pushing and shoving down the beach to chase down a dream of brightly coloured candies all lost in a sea of bare feet scurrying to find the prize buried in the beach sand. However they didn’t all go running towards the waters edge. One child…one small young child stood in front of me speaking wildly…her face contorted, her hands motioning for me to give her sibling, held high in her arms…a starbust dream….just one please!
I smiled a congenial smile – shaking my head “that the cupboard was bare, that there wasn’t any left…there was no room at the inn”…for the likes of her and her younger sister. The smiles on my own face gave way to the gravity of it all. Her frown, telling me in a perfect language that she was hungry...making me bow my head that I didnt have enough, not one left to give this little waif of a girl and so for her and her little sister I had nothing to give...nothing
There was nothing fair about any of this…I looked to the sky…letting them see my intentions and let them go, hurling the purple people eater…the orange mango…the yellow banana rama….the strawberry koolaid…the pink flamingos, all of them a dream for a child in itself and I took aim, and with a pause before the rush, a pause before the outcry…I let them fly…one after the other they left my fingers like a baseball heading for the catchers glove in another world series bout with me as pitcher…
And with that they all ran away screaming and running pushing and shoving down the beach to chase down a dream of brightly coloured candies all lost in a sea of bare feet scurrying to find the prize buried in the beach sand. However they didn’t all go running towards the waters edge. One child…one small young child stood in front of me speaking wildly…her face contorted, her hands motioning for me to give her sibling, held high in her arms…a starbust dream….just one please!
I smiled a congenial smile – shaking my head “that the cupboard was bare, that there wasn’t any left…there was no room at the inn”…for the likes of her and her younger sister. The smiles on my own face gave way to the gravity of it all. Her frown, telling me in a perfect language that she was hungry...making me bow my head that I didnt have enough, not one left to give this little waif of a girl and so for her and her little sister I had nothing to give...nothing
Felix - "The Lesson" Part Five
As the children finally scattered back to their homes…the sun almost down with dusk covering all of us like a thin piece of black velvet, complete in its ability to make things go dark yet I was still able to make out Felix in the shadows a little ways away from the pack, still surrounded with cries and laughter…and I asked him if he learned anything. He said in a quiet voice that he did, that he never wanted to have to decide who receives and who is left in the without and you could feel the gravity of the lesson learned, we all felt it…instructor, student and passers by who watched this exchange played out in front of us, between us…
But Felix I said…”what did you learn”…”what lesson did you take for your own today”. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I only had some 17 pieces of candy and the children knew from yesterday that we only had a limited amount of starbust memories…and those old enough understood the game and they accepted this, as we did, but what was the best choice Felix?
He stood in the twilight and looked at me like an expectant student who didn’t study his lessons last night, didn’t have any answers and was called on by the teacher….and so he waited for the lesson to be taught. I asked him “what was the best answer Felix” which is the best choice!? He was silent and as the group of men gathered around me we all wanted to know the answer which would soon slip from my lips
Well Felix, the lesson was that…“All of the choices were bad, all of them sucked Felix…there isn’t anything fair about it”
But Felix I said…”what did you learn”…”what lesson did you take for your own today”. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I only had some 17 pieces of candy and the children knew from yesterday that we only had a limited amount of starbust memories…and those old enough understood the game and they accepted this, as we did, but what was the best choice Felix?
He stood in the twilight and looked at me like an expectant student who didn’t study his lessons last night, didn’t have any answers and was called on by the teacher….and so he waited for the lesson to be taught. I asked him “what was the best answer Felix” which is the best choice!? He was silent and as the group of men gathered around me we all wanted to know the answer which would soon slip from my lips
Well Felix, the lesson was that…“All of the choices were bad, all of them sucked Felix…there isn’t anything fair about it”
Felix - "The Lesson" Part Six
There wasn’t a good choice at all but its like aid work the world over Felix…there are just so many mouths to feed and only so much food to go around, so much money and only so many people who feel it deep in their hearts to play a role with their own world so filled with it's own trials and tribulations. We've all heard this before. Yet what do you do? Do you do nothing and be complacent, pleased that you alone have enough food or do you share with your elite friends the abundance of your well tended gardens or do you recognize that you can only help them one at a time…and step up and do the best you can for as many as you can.
This...is the good work Felix.
And he smiled…thanked me…acknowledged that I was older than he was (that hurt) and shook his head that he is pained with all of this…that there is never ever enough to go around and never wants to be the one to decide ever again who leaves with a starburst coloured memory, a piece of bread, the grain or flour aid organizations dole out…or who will leave empty handed, forced to endure another day with an empty stomach
In this lesson the teacher was also the student.
This...is the good work Felix.
And he smiled…thanked me…acknowledged that I was older than he was (that hurt) and shook his head that he is pained with all of this…that there is never ever enough to go around and never wants to be the one to decide ever again who leaves with a starburst coloured memory, a piece of bread, the grain or flour aid organizations dole out…or who will leave empty handed, forced to endure another day with an empty stomach
In this lesson the teacher was also the student.
Felix - "The Lesson" Part Seven
While in the midst of the confusion with all of the children my team looked at me for signals that everything was ok – hoping I knew what I was doing…and yet for me there was never a lapse in my thought about what was playing out there on that solitary beach so many miles away from what may well be truck loads of starburst memories, clean water and sustaining food, delivered to other communities across the desert…development aid to help fill empty bellies, but for me it was about letting children be children…always…always…theyre ready for a game no matter what theyre conditions are and this time, this time, its the children that taught the teacher.
It was me that learned the most that starry night aside Lake Turkana, that I also have a role to play out here, to pause from my own world to use my photographic skills to help serious integrity filled organizations raise awareness to issues both simple and complex. I can do this. I have done this and I will continue without abaiting
And maybe, just maybe…the most important part lesson I learned was that they just wanted to dream a dream filled with laughter…filled with smiles and a chance to be part of something fun, of something good, if just for the moments shared running along a distant beach at sunset…laughing with their friends.
The next time I pass this way again, and I will, I’ll have more than enough starburst coloured memories for lots of races for the children along Lake Turkana. The work continues and so does the chance to create good dreams filled with love and with the promise of good things yet to come.
It was me that learned the most that starry night aside Lake Turkana, that I also have a role to play out here, to pause from my own world to use my photographic skills to help serious integrity filled organizations raise awareness to issues both simple and complex. I can do this. I have done this and I will continue without abaiting
And maybe, just maybe…the most important part lesson I learned was that they just wanted to dream a dream filled with laughter…filled with smiles and a chance to be part of something fun, of something good, if just for the moments shared running along a distant beach at sunset…laughing with their friends.
The next time I pass this way again, and I will, I’ll have more than enough starburst coloured memories for lots of races for the children along Lake Turkana. The work continues and so does the chance to create good dreams filled with love and with the promise of good things yet to come.
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