As he complained to me our dialogue grew louder with each point, the children now confused, just wanted me to throw however many pieces I had of the brightly coloured "starburst memories" into the air…and in this moment, amongst the background of children looking up at me and staff equally looking bewildered at my actions and wondering what to do next - as if suffering from shell shock with the noise and the kinetic energy all blending into the same set of tones. I paused for a moment. Being hyper aware of darker elements standing in the shadows nearby, I knew this could easily get out off control. So aware, looking face to face with this young guy, I sensed that showing weakness and backing away wasn’t an option for me. In all of the hyperbole everything went silent in my head in a cinematic way, like it wasn’t me standing in the circle of blowing dust but someone in a crowd that I was watching from a distance, like at a baseball game…watching to see whats going to happen next.
Suddenly it came over me…to give him the candy. Yes! Give HIM the candy!! Let HIM figure it out…let HIM know what it feels like to not be able to help everyone and in that moment, on the edge of Lake Turkana, I found myself standing in a sea of outstretched hands – completely out of control, I was without a doubt...metaphorically in deep waters.
Yelling over the noise at the top of my voice I strained to give him his options, maybe futile but I became filled with a crystal clear message that I wanted him to understand, wanted him to know that I wasn’t part of “those” which come to town to buy souvenirs, complain and leave as quickly as they came, that I wasn’t here to take advantage of anyone. To the contrary. So I continued to push my point to Felix who was confused at best…obviously this wasn’t what he’d bargained for but “school was in”…for both of us really and we were both going to get something out of this - possibly a micro lesson in development maybe with this 3’ tall huddled mass of children at my feet...“yearning to breath free”…or at the very least to get some coloured starbust dreams from my pocket.
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